July 4th

July 4th is always a crappy time of year for me. While most people are out celebrating, blowing crap up, drinking beer and generally having a good time I'm thinking about my brother who died on July 4th, 1993. This sucks so bad. I still cannot find the words to convey my feelings. I'm still pissed off. I still miss him terribly. And I still wonder why the hell it had to happen. Who the $#%^# decided it was some God's plan to take my brother away anyway? Yes, there is still some anger here.

It is so hard to be away from my mom and dad during this time of the year. I always feel so helpless living 2600 miles away during this time. I know there isn't much I can do, but I could still be there and give my mom and dad a hug and let them know how much I miss him too. I do miss you Ron, 15 years later I still can hear your voice. I can still picture your smile. And as brothers can only do to brothes, you can still piss me off. You were so full of promise, so full of life, I would give anything to spend one more day with you. And yes, I still look up to you for inspiration, and you will always be my big brother. I miss you so bad. And I love you so much.