Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Crossroads

This is the perfect sign for everything I am feeling right now in regards to so many aspects of my life. On one side I have a huge chapter of my life I am trying to close, on the other side I have a chapter I am trying to open, and one that is bouncing back and forth all over the damn place. Hmmmm. How did I get here anyway? You think back to all the choices you make in life, and ultimately they bring you to the present. And really, life is all about choices. Each day you are constantly making decisions on how you are going to go about your day. Some are easy choices you don't think much of. Some are very difficult that affect not only yourself, but those you love or care about deeply. Somewhere amongst all of these choices you make you need to find some balance between living what your "true self" desires and what you think is best for those you care deeply about. There is never an easy answer life's most difficult questions. But I really think the bottom line is you need to make yourself happy and content in life, because if you don't it will eat at your soul, it will consume you, and when it is done consuming you, it will do it some more, and there will be nothing left of your life, or mind - or at least nothing left of your life that you are happy with. A person needs to be able to take steps in order to make sure they are living their own values, their own life, and not compromising their own sanity in order to pursue the happiness that life has to offer. I'm taking baby steps, and once I can close some chapters I think it will be so much easier to move forward. Be careful of your life's choices, people that don't let go can and will do everything they can to make your life hell, and oftentimes will hurt others in their quest to do so. Follow your intuition and don't be afraid of what you heart tells you, it can be smarter than your analytical mind.

As for my running, for something that is supposed to be such a stable thing in my life it often raises more questions than it answers. Like right now I have no idea what I want out of it. I have been running only about 50 miles per week, I have no races planned and really have no idea why I am running other than habit. I'm not really sure what distance I want to race. Do I want to try for a sub 3:00 marathon? Do I want to run a 1:22 1/2? How about a 5 or 10K? What about another 100 mile? I have so much unfinished business in so many distances that I could over analyze the hell out of any distance and create a reasonable list of excuses of why I want to run any distance. So now I just run. I do 20 mile runs here, some trail running there, mix it up with a little speed work and what do I get? I have no idea. I'm still trying to figure that out. Hopefully in a few days I can find some clarity in life that will allow me to tackle the simple issue of what the hell I want to run.

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