Knees - Pffft!!!

Somewhere in here is the problem.
But where?

Being injured and not being able to do what you want is hugely depressing. Yes, I can still run, but I can’t run what I want to run, and the what I want to run is the basis for why I even run in the 1^st place. I am no happy plodding down a flat road, or running around a town (although that IS a good way to get errands done).

I have been dealing with some sort of knee pain in relation to running single track for over 4months. I can run up, I can run flat, and I can run a lot of miles, but running any “real” downhill like the kind often found when running single track just isn’t working. I took a month off of trail running, and stuck to the flats, and yes, my knee was getting better so I thought so I tried running trails – and nope! Not working. It was pain free for maybe 2 miles, but the first long 800 foot of vertical descending did not make my knee happy. It wasn’t horrible, but it’s not like 2010 where I could just let the stride open up and haul butt down a mountain.

  I have been pretty good with my physical therapy. Certain issues are ruled out such as patella tendonitis, and confirmed by an ultrasound that the swelling of said tendon is minimal. I’m at a loss of what to do at this point outside of hopping on the mountain bike and getting into the good stuff that-a-way. It’s not the way I want to do it  though, and anytime you have to stop doing something on your own terms it never makes one happy. I don’t know if I am quite at that point, but I do know I am close enough that I am actually thinking about this.  That scares me.

Teeter-tawtering




This is all the motivation I need



It’s a boring and conflicting time of year. Fog. Cold. Wet. Dark. Motivation sometimes rises and falls with the amount of sunshine, and then all of a sudden with no warning it is off the chart again.

One day I am in the middle of running 27 miles and feel completely burned out, then the following week I run 82 miles and just want to keep running.

Not sure what triggers this – but am just glad I am going all out again with seemingly unlimited (sometimes too much) motivation to run.

Lance has finally admitted the 30% truth, because really, with his arrogance and narcissism he must think we are all a bunch of idiots to believe he is telling us the complete story. I could write forever about this dude, and compare and contrast him with other people that I once knew, and that would be so much fun. I would love  to write it, but I won’t waste my time on him or anyone else that is either too dumb, too arrogant, or too callous to even get it. I wasted enough words on that, but did I mention how fun it would be? Go rot in obscurity after making amends with the lives your ruined – although that’s not really possible.

Call me pessimistic, but do people really honestly believe there is no PED use in ultrarunning? Really? Again. Really? And how long did it take you to understand that Lance was NOT clean. Or Marion Jones. Or Ben Johnson. Or...(the list goes on). I hate to pat myself on the back, but I think I had been a non believer since at least 2001. Add the facts up and sometimes things that are too good to be true are just that. I would never name a name without proof, but some of these times from 2013 are just plain crazy fast.  And the amount of improvement people make from year to year is astonishing. Hours improvement in a single year? I’ll remain skeptical about a lot of these runners and really just hope I’m wrong.

Back to my running. Mine mine mine. My running. Like it is a physical object that I can wrap my arms around or something.  The truth is far from anything like that – I have never been able to settle all my running riddles, and currently I am in a huge one. Patella Tendonitis…patella tracking issues…whatever. The only thing I know is that I CANNOT run downhill without pain. And it’s not a little bit either, it’s the stride altering kind where I run like I have a peg leg, but nope, it’s just my leg, no peg. Physical therapy gets me to cross train, I have always been such a slacker in that regard, and avoiding elevation does seem to help.  But gosh darn it, I miss the single track. If I was ever patient enough I would just go to Tiger Mountain and walk to the top of it, and gingerly walk down.  At least I’d get some single track back into my soul. But I know I would end up peg legging downhill – and of course the knee would be stressed.

Oh! Did I mention with this injury I am still able to run 80+ miles per week? Yep, I cannot understand this one either. Although I think someone should just permanently attach whatever kinesio tape job is always on my knee. Riddles. I like easier riddles. Like I’m hungry so I should eat. Or I need to be here so I need to leave at this time. This one is above my knowledge base, and I’m not quite sure the people I have been working with are entirely successful in decoding my knee dilemma.  I have eight weeks left to train for a 100K – I’m not worried about running 62 miles, I’m worried about the descending and climbing within that 62 miles. I could always powerwalk it, uphill no big deal but it would be so painful (mentally) to have to walk or run gingerly  downhill.

  Maybe I can find a run across Nebraska? Or Kansas?



 

Pigtails 50K

I don't have any pictures for this race...I could get some easy enough, but just picture a flat trail through the woods, well, mostly flat anyway. And a stream next to it surrounded by Evergreens and other fauna - that was the gist of it.

For whatever reason I just wanted to run a sub 4 hour 50K, and although I’ve done it in training runs before - but never an “official” race so I figure this was a good place to cross this one off the list since I can’t seem to run a good 100. I did have some pretty decent fast training runs in the past few weeks so I figured I’d give this a go. Although this is nothing like I usually run, 0% single track, over 50% on paved trails, it is still fun and felt good to actually motor along at a decent pace and to run rhythmic…is that what I was doing?  The first ½ of the course is gently downhill, which was making it tough to not run too fast since I felt like I was fighting myself just trying to stay above 7:00 pace.  Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the wind was at my back also. I went through 13.1 somewhere around 1:33 something and barely felt like I was running. We turned around shortly after that and I quickly noticed I was on a gentle uphill, and a nice little head wind just for the fun of it. Occasional snowflakes dropping from the sky were much more welcome than rain would have been. The miles were still ticking by semi ok in the 7:15 – 7:25 range but as I passed mile 18 I noticed my quad was starting to tighten up. And when the legs start to tighten the mind usually does some weird thing where time slows down and the miles feel soooo much longer. But really it was fatigue setting in. I’m old. I’m getting slow. That’s life but I still run semi ok for someone just past 40, right?  That’s what I tell myself anyway. Besides, I still enjoy it just as much as I ever did.  At the mile 21.7 aid station the 50K people had to take a different trail for a short out and back to get all our  mileage in, that was a nice little (and I mean little) hill followed by more gentle uphill. Which of course we all got back on the way down. After that it was just try and hit sub  8 minute miles as best as I could and survive to the finish. I made it in 3:56 and some change which equates to about 7:30 per mile per my garmin and the mileage I had. I actually thought I would be somewhere around 3:50. But whatever – it was a fun day running, got lucky with the weather, and it’s not often that I have a sub whatever goal and actually make it. Time to rest up, take some time off, get my knee healthy, and do something else for a (very) short time before it’s back to the single track. Thanks to all the volunteers out there, there were awesome. I would have loved to hang out and talk Tiger Mountain a little longer with them like the girl at mile 21.7 and again after the 50K bonus out and back, but I needed to get the race done before the snow turned into rain. I’m still trying to figure out what to run in 2013. Zion – check. A couple small races. Check. Need something for later in the summer but not sure where I want to go?

The Waiting Game



Zion. Coming soon
 to a run near me.

 
 

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”

Rumi

Wait is defined as “to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed” (Dictionary.com).

Someone once asked me to wait for them. A week turned into a month which turned into many months. Then a year. Then more months on top of that. All hiding behind lies and self fulfilling agendas. I was going through a lot of stuff in life at the time besides this. I became hugely depressed. Most days I didn’t even want to wake up, and there was no denying that I was at a point where that was a distinct possibility. It turns out that person is a liar. A user. And a piece of shit that I am thankful things didn’t work out with. I was at a point where I was no longer me, but I let that happen. Lesson learned though - so I take some positive from that.

Another person asked me to wait for something just recently also. I couldn’t get an answer to what in fact I was waiting for. So the answer is no – I’m not waiting. Life doesn't wait, and most often I won't either.

How does all this tie into running? Or life since for me the two are so closely intertwined? I don’t know if I can explain it clearly (or concisely) but I’ll try. I’ve had people ask me how I am going to feel when I’m crippled at 70 years old from all the running I do now. Again – am I supposed to wait for that to happen through natural causes or osteoporosis, old age, arthritis or atrophy? Am I supposed to save my knees, hips, ankles, and whatever else I’m supposedly wearing out so I can win the weekly mall walking lap race against the other old geezers? Would that entail sitting around doing nothing now? Only to save myself for that time? So I can be an able bodied old bastard I should let present life pass by? Where is the sense in that? I don't see it.

The only thing I have figured out for myself is that life is about now, today, in this moment which I am in control of - as I get out of each day I wake up and think how awesome each moment within this day will be. I am not going to live for anyone outside of my kids and people close to me.  I am going to be there for them from the moment they were born to the moment I die, and come hell or high water there is nothing that could ever stop me if needed. And in between I am going to experience life to the fullest extent I can. I am going to see all parts of the world that I always wanted to. I look back and think of all the places I have seen a sunrise or sunset, in all different mountain ranges and all time zones. My own picture book in my head could be it's own Ansel Adams gallery. And it is still growing because I am still living for now because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Sure, I have regrets and many wasted days in the past, but the fact is I have learned so much in living life so far it makes me realize that even the bad days weren’t completely wasted because they brought me to where I am now. In a good place, seeing so many new things and meeting so many interesting people from all parts of the world and life.  It’s a pretty amazing journey I’m on right now, and this ride is just getting good. I can’t wait for it to continue. And I’m not going to either. And I still have many miles left to run.

Grand Ridge 50K

There is no flat trail once on the single track.

Grand Ridge 50K – I ended up winning but didn’t feel as if I ran well. I saw little Megan back there (hi : ) and man, I didn’t want to get beat by a little girl, I’m sure that time is coming soon but not quite yet please. The rocks killed my wimpy feet too. It sure sucks getting older. But in all seriousness, I think it’s the fact that I really haven’t run many trails this year.  With so much going on all the time and running so many miles I didn’t always have time to drive and run 20 miles in a single day.  In hindsight it may have been better to run 15 miles on trails as opposed to 20 around town. The race started off as most 50K’s start off, 5-6 people going way way WAYYYYY too fast. I don’t know if they just wanted to lead a race, or they were feeling so well so early, or what it was. But I thought I had a 4:50 in me for this run, so I just ran the pace I thought I needed to which was 2:02 for each lap and then whatever on the short 5 mile loop. First lap easy – 2:02. Second lap I was actually pretty good, lost some time when I needed to pig out at the aid station, and drink a bunch. But I think it was maybe2:06 or 2:07. The last lap was pretty bad. I took a couple minutes trying to get food in me before I set off on the last lap, and also had to drink because the preceding aid station had a line for the fluids which I did NOT want to wait for.  Anyway, to make a long sob story short, I sucked on the last part of the 3.5 miles of climbing before the downhill. I was still “running” but it was pathetic. Shit hurt. Whenever I get like this I get a Phil Ligget quote in my head that he said one time about Jan Ullrich as Lance was dropping him in the mountains, “It’s like his brain told his legs, bridge to engine room more power, but there isn’t any.” The last 2 miles was a complete bonk. I dropped my last Clif Blok on the ground, and that was it. It fell in cinematic slow motion too, it was pretty  amazing. Or maybe I was just running in slow motion at that point, it was hard to tell. Luckily it was mostly downhill to finish so I shuffled my way there in a complete cement shoed bonk. It did down pour for the last ½ mile or so, but I was too hungry to care. Made it to the finish, stood under the EZ up, and then saw pizza and muffins and attempted to eat my weight in food. Yummy. I also won a choice of Rudy Project sunglasses and then a case of muscle milk for the win. Yum yum. Time to seriously get my old ass into shape though. OK, I do realize I’m in decent shape, but not exactly the race shape that I want to be in. But as always, it is so awesome to run in the woods and enjoy the solitude and clear thoughts of nothingness as the ground blurs beneath my feet. That’s a good happy place to be.

Tiger Mountain @ Night

Tiger awaits in the distance as darkness comes.

We are hoping to make these a regular occurrence this winter. BS and I ran somewhere around 13 miles with about 3950 of gain. His phone app GPS  thingie said only  11.9, but my Garmin said 13 so of course we go with what mine says. It was really hard to see (duh! It’s nighttime) and on most every part of trail the pace was severely limited by poor visibility more than anything else. Even running up the mountain I couldn’t run as fast as I wanted to just because of it being so difficult to see the hazards.  We did a couple summits,  ran around some  other parts of TMT trail, got semi confused because of the darkness making it a lot more difficult to tell where we were on the trail, but otherwise had a pretty fun time and with that much gain in such a short time that’s a decent run. I also think that by running more technical single track in the pitch black it should also increase our technical running and line choice through the more difficult parts of single track, if not it’s still fun. Or we’ll trip, roll an ankle or have other semi stupid thing happen, but I could just as easily trip on a sidewalk crack in the darkness, I’d much rather run in a mountainous setting.  It is also helpful just becoming more comfortable running in the mountains in the middle of the night solo. Because that always freaks me out. I’m just a kid from upstate NY’s suburbia.

Great visibility. My light is a little better than this, but 140 lumens ain't as great as it sounds on tech trail.

Javelina Jundred

4 days in AZ and this is the only picture I took. Lame.

Seeing numerous shooting stars perform my own private firework show over the Superstition Mountains with a full moon - while a pack of coyotes howl less than a mile away is pretty awesome - and something most people won’t ever experience.  Mere words will never justify this sensation; the sights, smells, and euphoric calm of those moments of clarity in a semi delusional state of heat induced exhaustion – my own Thoreau-like Walden existence if only for this brief moment within my life.    I give myself high expectations that I constantly fail to meet at this distance as far as results are concerned – and sometimes forget that I could care less about racing as an entity in and of itself.  Once in a while I need reminding it’s the journey that gets me there that I enjoy more than the race. I honestly could care less about racing against other people, the only thing I am trying to achieve is the internal  goals I set for myself. Next year should be pretty cool. With some friends we are planning some pretty cool multi-day runs, getting the details worked out and schedules aligned will be difficult but we’ll give it a whirl, and whatever I come up on my own will bring me to new places and new experiences. But before I get off on that tangent, here’s how it all went down in the desert of Arizona.

Another 100, another DNF for me @ this distance. Not sure what it is but I cannot seem to figure this distance out. Although I was disappointed of dying a painful heat induced death, there were still many moments that were cool for me.

This was not a  typical 100 mile setting for me (or any distance for that matter) so I’m not real stoked to write about this run. Without a “normal” tree (cactus are not normal to someone currently living in the northwest) in sight I may as well have been running on the moon. I like trees. I like real dirt. I like clouds. And sometimes I really likes me some rain. I would have loved some tall shade trees or rain in Arizona. But nope, I was in a desert, and sure as shit it doesn’t rain in the desert, and not much grows there either. I am not a sunshine person, I like it ok, but I am not one for the heat unless I’m sitting on my ass doing nothing; which doesn’t happen all that much, and if it I'm sitting it won’t be for long. Anyway, here’s my JJ story….

The flight down was pretty chill, got to see the grand canyon from the sky which was really cool, picked up the rental car and made my way to the shady motel I was to spend the next 4 nights. I was not too impressed with Mesa, not a very visually appealing town. A million strip malls, flat, brown, quite a few golf courses that I’m sure require enough water to maintain that could hydrate an entire 3^rd world country – per golf course! The weather was decent, warm, but not overly so. I just chilled out Thursday, read some of Tyler Hamilton’s book about the mob like mentality (and Lance IS the don) doping of bike racing, and that’s about it. Friday morning I went and ran a couple miles because my legs haven’t been feeling all that decent, had lunch, went to packet pick up, ate some pizza for dinner, then tried my best to sleep.

Saturday morning rolls around and it’s off to the races. I did not have my head firmly planted in this run for whatever reason. Maybe it was the knee injury I have been trying to deny and fix, or something else was amiss. The prior 2 weeks I was not able to run like I wanted to, and I felt like my fitness was suffering because of it. In mid –August I felt really fit. I would run 10 miles of single track on Tuesday, and easy 6-8 on Wednesday, then run a 26.2 mile training run in 3:15-3:20 for the fun of it on Thursday, and then run another long run on Saturday. But I also know how this running stuff is super mental and was trying to talk myself in to the run. Mentally it’s easy enough to flip a switch, physically you can only do so much.

6 laps plus a shorter lap. Off I go. Run starts in the dark but lights were only needed for about 1.5 miles. The landscape was  completely different than anything I’ve ever run in before. Even eastern WA is nothing like this. And the intensity of the sun as it climbed to its perch in the sky is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. The oppressing heat was ridiculous. By end of lap 2 I was looking for somewhere to duck and cover. Nowhere to hide, just have to run.  I’ve run plenty of warm races, some with triple digits like Ironman Coeur d’Alene in '03 when it hit 105, but this was way worse. CdA has shade. The desert does not. This was like leaving an oven burner on and holding your hand 2” above it. Just brutal.  OK, now that I’m done whining there isn’t much to write about : ) When the sun finally dropped behind the mountains to the west I got a huge emotional lift, and ran pretty steadily to finish lap 4 and 62 miles. And took off on 5 feeling slightly upbeat but I was physically really tired but was hoping I would snap out of it. What’s funny is my parents were at the race (they were on vacation in the area already) and after I saw my mom she said I looked really well at this point. Said my face has good color, etc. But looking back on that now I think it was just the sunburn. I was feeling pretty hollow. I was trying to force anything with nutritional value in my stomach, but to no avail. It just wasn’t working. It either wouldn’t go down or would make its way back up.  And at about mile 67 I sat on the side of the trail and was not at all worried about snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, or anything else that could make me pee my pants as easily as a 3 year old sitting on Santa’s lap. I decided to try to get to the next aid station which was mile 69 or 70. Walked the rest of the way there except for downhills. Finally made it to said aid station and promptly took a nap. Woke up an hour later hoping I would feel better but I was completely exhausted like I have never felt before. I walked/ran, walked and walked some more trying to cover ground as best as I could. But I was just so tired; exhausted. Not sure what the deal was with this complete lack of energy, and it wasn’t even that. It was the “I need to go to bed” tired. I never feel like that - ever! As someone that never slept much for my first 40 years this is a bad time to have this creep up on me, although in hindsight for the past 8 months I probably have had the most consistent sleep I ever had. Scraping shit off the bottom of your shoes (so to speak) will help that.  I ran into a lady at about mile 72 that was a complete mess. She was shivering uncontrollably, barely able to hold herself up, leaning on another runner. I had my run jacket tied around my waist so I put it on her and zipped it up also, just like I do for my 3 year old. She was completely unable to take care of herself. I talked to her pacer as the runner was unable to speak and told them I would send help back from the next aid station which was only a mile ahead. I wish I knew who it was because now I have to buy another jacket. I hope she enjoys it, but it was the right thing to do and as bad as I was she was worse.  I ran (ok, a crazy slow jog as this is not really running anymore but still moving FW but only kinda sorta) to the next aid, talked to them and then ran a couple more 11 minute miles until I crossed the road which I knew was 1.5 miles to the end of the loop. Made it there and I was done. The last 15.5 miles took me 7 hours. But on the bright side my knee was pretty good; there’s always positives if you sort through enough poop.

Drove back to the hotel and slept for about 5 hours, then vowed to never run a 100. Now it’s about 10 days later and I am already figuring out how to better prepare for one and checking the schedule of where I’d like to go and try. I’m not sure what it is about running 100 miles that is the allure for me. I suck at this distance. Anything after mile 70 completely sucks.  I’ve run I don’t know how any marathons and ultras, enough that I’ve lost count but if I had to guess I would say 50, and probably another 35 or more in training. But I am pretty determined to figure this distance out. I really believe that I have the physical capability to run a pretty good one, at least one that would be satisfying to myself, and really that’s all I ask for. I basically have 2 options, either quit this distance, run 50K and 50 milers that I know I can run and can usually guess within 5 minutes how I will finish, or continue to try to conquer my personal “final frontier.” Not really much of a question is it?