(Painting by Jason Alexander Cruz - http://www.jasonalexandercruz.com/paintings.html
Well, crap. The big day is almost here. Yes, I am excited to run. I really want to find out how my preparation was. Of course I will doubt that it was enough. I didn't run any more than 41 miles. Oh well. What can you do now?
It is pretty exciting though. My time for the race is like my report card.
My grades will be as follows, each number represents hours:
Under 18 - A++++++++
Under 20 - A
Under 22 - B
Under 24 - C
Over 24 - D
DNF - F. FAILURE!!!!! UNACCEPTABLE!
I think the DNF is what scares me the most. I put a lot of work into this stupid ass run. Waking up at at 4:00 a.m. on weekends so I can get 30 miles in...running late during the week and never getting enough sleep so I can get miles in...running late on Saturday night into Sunday morning so I can get miles in...my family putting up with all the crap about me obsessing about miles. So the bottom line is DNF is not an option. I'll type it right now, if I DNF I will end up in a hospital. That's the truth too. I can't see myself DNF-ing in any other way. I worked my ass off for this one run. I enjoyed most of it too. But it's time to see what I'm made off. Am I a poser or this really what I want to do?
Lots of questions will be answered about myself when I am in the middle of the Texas woods in the middle of the night in the middle of a 100 mile foot race. This is the only place I can really find my spiritual side. I don't go to church. I don't believe in the church anyway. God? Maybe...maybe not. But I believe in myself. I believe in my family and how they nurtured me and brought me up to be what I am today. I know I will have lots of long conversations with my brother. I am really looking forward to that. I will ask him lots of questions and maybe - just maybe - I might get some answers if I dig deep enough and listen to everything around me. This race will also give me lots of time to think about life, what I really want to get out of it, what I have put into it so far, etc. Am I on the right path in life (and the trail too : )? What choices should I make as my life continues? I know I have some really big choices to make. Maybe I will be able to get deep inside myself enough to uncover the answer.
5 more days.